“The Fire of God’s Love” is a phrase that many of us are familiar with. Fire really does burn us up, and the image is used in the Scripture to burn away the dross and leave the pure metal: “… like gold in the furnace he tried them”, (Wisdom 3:6). The Word of God is also a fire that consumes us, and no wonder, as the Word is Jesus, and his Spirit is the Spirit of God. Not surprisingly, also, it takes some time for most of us to understand the Word of God, because we run away from fire should it be burning us up; similarly, we run away from God’s Love, if He is burning us up out of Love; we would, I suspect, only remain in his fire if we have a real personal experience of God and his love.

Manfred, a friend of mine, has an incurable brain tumour, discovered only about 6 months ago. He is much younger than I, and many are praying for his recovery. Prayers are already being answered, as he remains so positive in his experience, and what he goes through; he does not keep his illness to himself, but shares with others. This is not to boast or show off; rather to strengthen many people.  His testimony is an example of what living God’s Word is all about. It includes the scriptures, relationships with others that devolve on having the Word, having Jesus among us and facing suffering; it involves also prayer, the Eucharist, and sharing the Word with each other, so that it does not get lost. You go to God never alone but with others as Jesus himself, when he died, certainly went to heaven with the good thief: “Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom .… Today you will be with me in Paradise”, (Lk 23; 42). 

What Manfred writes is helpful to me. For him, everything turns on God’s Love; it includes knowledge of his complaint, the treatment he receives, and the prognosis that his brain tumour is inoperable. His experience is by no means all light – it has darknesses, though there are beautiful moments of light.  Through it all, he points out that God does not want perfect people, but those who love him, no matter what. I can take on board all of that, in my life! 

In April he already wrote to those who are his friends: 

“Hi there, 

On a practical level I am now in my fourth week of the vaccine trial and in my third week of the chemo and radio therapy. By now certain side effects are beginning to make themselves known, such as nausea, tiredness and general loss of taste as well as an increasing aversion to food, i.e. in the present moment I can’t actually stand the sight of food. Sleeping is also a bit of a lottery. But…. and this is a big ‘but’, things are actually going very well considering, I am not in pain, I am up and about, I can be active in a limited way. So, all these small thing are there to be offered for a lot of things for my friends and the life of the kingdom of God.  

God’s fantasy, I have to say, is really without limit! We have just had a retreat over Easter and at one point I was simply moved by the fact that His love really has no end! We are so different from one another and yet such a tremendous gift for one another. It’s really moving to see some times! And I normally don’t do ‘moving’! 

I had an opportunity to understand that there were countless moments before this chapter of my life started in which God prepared me for this adventure. Yes, it is an adventure of love, in which he asks me in every present moment to love, love by being there for my neighbour in the present moment, by living each moment as if it was my last full of love, by being in constant dialogue with Jesus in my neighbour in the present moment. In this way I am beginning to experience something very beautiful – a more constant presence of Jesus amongst us.  Jesus is giving me to understand through my brothers and sisters that the ‘real’ life is his continued presence amongst us more than ever. The greater that presence the more we will be able to discern the plan on each one of us. We will be able to see each other as those gifts from God for each other. This in turn brings about a very concrete expression of this love in every moment.   

I thank God for the immense peace and the joy he gives me, for the lack of pain, for the many things he has made me understand in these two months, for the sufferings I can offer. But most of all, I thank him for using me, a sick and limited person, who has even less of a brain than before for his plans.  

He also has a great sense humour: fancy picking me, with half a brain at the best of times and then taking away the little I have and let me know for the first time that I have clear ideas. Well, I am glad He knows what he is doing and I am up for staying with Him all the way.  

Be sure of my daily offering.  

We meet and are one in our pact of living the new commandment.” 

Manf

Manfred undergoing treatment to do some palliative medical treatment on his brain 

This next news came from Manfred, early in July. 

“Hi there,  

This is just a continuation of the communion of my little journey since the last time! The adventure continues and from a practical point of view I have now entered the second part of my treatment. Next week is the second round of chemo in that second part. But God loved me so much that he thought I could cope with a detached retina and so on 30th May I had an operation and had to cancel my trip to Scotland. But I was able to go a bit later. It was great because with varying tricks I was able to eat discovering the beauty of smoothies! Last Monday I had a meeting with the nurse and she thought I looked really well although she is worried about my weight loss. Last Saturday I managed to run two workshops at the Bright Lights festival with many young people from the diocese in Aylesford explaining a little how I live my faith in the light of pain and suffering. The echoes were very positive. The following day I was asked to update some married couples who met in Welwyn Garden City.  

I have to say that there are so many graces and gifts attached to this experience, that I am really moved by it. God is really at work despite me and my condition. But there are also moments of darkness, when I wished I was not ill, when I wished I could do more even around the house, when I am afraid of what is to come, and when I lose patience. However, God’s love is never far away. I read something from my friend Emmaus about God’s closeness to us all who live the Word of God. 

I have God with me when I love in the present moment. 

I need to love always. If I am outside myself I find that his love is there and God does not need perfect people to do his work, he needs people who are willing to love him, no matter what.  

Sharing with others what I live is a really powerful tool to change the world. So, it is no longer me who lives this experience, but us. Suddenly there is a different perspective on things: The sky is the limit, because we have Jesus with us. What more do we want. Emmaus is very powerful when she says that if God is in the driving seat in our lives for the Kingdom, we can do anything! God is in the driving seat when we have Jesus amongst us. It really is simple, but also not really! 

Giving my moments of living a purpose gives me direction. All contributes to the common goal of a more united world. This coming week I will offer everything for the Mariapolis preparations.  

Be in touch.” 

It is strange that, for many, or most of us, it takes so long to understand what, or who, the Word of God is, and how to put it into practice!

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